And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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