You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
