I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
