White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize