she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
