note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
