He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
