pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
