I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
