There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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