you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize