how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My vagina is officially offended.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
