what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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