Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
