Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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