I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
