wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You can't special order awesome
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
i think my cat just said my name.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
