are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
