a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Bring me that man meat
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
