Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize