I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Welp...herpes.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
