Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
