Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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