Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
