my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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