ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
