we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
