she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize