i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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