Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
