Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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