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she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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