How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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