Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
