im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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