Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
