My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Who did Billy Mays play for?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
