Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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