He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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