Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
