Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
