I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
