i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
