girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
