It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
