is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
