I got chris browned last night
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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