So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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