i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My first STD was from a foam party
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
