My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
