Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
