Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It's blow job season.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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