Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
