just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
