Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
