I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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