In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
