Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
