K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
