Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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