I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
this beer tastes like vomit already
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
you never un-have a 4some
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