Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
