i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
