Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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