He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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