Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
