just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
