I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
