Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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