Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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