10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Randomize
