what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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