where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
