Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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