we're blogging at a bar
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
